Kerry Campaign Fires Its Candidate

Kerry Campaign Fires Its Candidate

The John Kerry presidential campaign has floundered and faltered since its early frontrunner days. To shake things up, John Kerry replaced the campaign manager. And sure enough, the campaign has been shaken up.

"After examining the campaign from top to bottom," Said new campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill, "we decided that the problem was the candidate. He's stiff, inarticulate and cannot focus his message. But, he has really great hair!"

The campaign is looking about now for a candidate with equally good hair-styling, but with a more endearing public persona to head the campaign.

Would the campaign have to change its name too?

"We're not sure about that," said Cahill, "we really do like Theresa Heinz's money."