Going After Big Spam

My goodness, but aren’t Washington’s Democrats twisting themselves into some interesting pretzels trying to keep their somewhat amended promise not to balance the budget with higher taxes? Like most Washingtonians, I recall Christine Gregoire last fall assuring us that she had no intention of raising taxes. Now, we are given to understand that we misheard her. What she really promised was that she would not impose a general tax increase. Apparently that gives her license to inflict targeted tax increases.

With targeted tax increases, you can foist the burden on a relatively small proportion of the electorate – too few to vote you out of office in four years. And, if you’re really nimble, you can raise taxes on those whom you don’t expect to vote for you anyway.

And clearly, Democrats do not expect that very many of their voters are the sort who consume Spam and chili con carne out of a can, because that’s where they expect to raise $11 million from new taxes on canned meat over the next two years.

Yes, that’s true. Washington’s Democratic dominated government plans to raise taxes on canned meat. Spam, Vienna sausages, and deviled ham are all on the hit list. Democrats are notorious for using the tax code to fine tune human behavior. In general, legislators like to play social scientists on C-SPAN by modifying human behavior by raising taxes on activities they would like to reduce. And so, it is no surprise that they’re raising taxes on booze and cigarettes. But canned meat? What’s wrong with that?

Well, in this case, it seems that it is all about raising money and not for discouraging behavior that Democrats deem unsuitable in polite company.

Last year, the state’s Supreme Court divined that the state could not tax fresh and canned meats at different rates. Although, why meat should be specifically taxed as all eludes me. Do we have a tofu tax?

Undoubtedly Christine Gregoire and her Seattlista allies imagine that they can get away with balancing the budget on the trailer park demographic. It’s easy to imagine that slice of our citizenry sitting on their porches in worn out, overstuffed couches, puffing on Camels, while snacking on Vienna sausages, and finally washing it down with some Jack Daniels on the rocks. And Democrats do not imagine their voters looking like that.

Certainly, we could never expect Seattle Democrats to impose taxes upon their own favorites - brie, latté, brioche, sushi or sticky buns.

Certainly when one thinks of an elitist Seattle Democrat, one does not conjure up an image of someone smoking a cigarette while breakfasting on fried Spam and scrambled eggs. Clearly the target seems to be those Washingtonians who are in no danger of circulating among the Seattle elites. You certainly won’t see Vienna sausages alongside the canapés on the hors de oeuvre tray at Boeing or Microsoft social functions.

I must admit that when I first heard that the Washington Legislature planned to tax Spam, I was not entirely displeased. I’ve often thought that one reason that we have so much SPAM arriving in our e-mail boxes was that it was free. And, while I prefer a private sector solution, the prospect of forcing SPAMMERS out of business through taxes was a satisfactory second best solution.

But then I learned that, no, it was not junk e-mail that Olympia wanted to tax. It was that greasy, cloying canned meat that they were going after. And Vienna sausages, and deviled ham and all other canned meats. Good grief! What are they thinking?

As a non-consumer of canned meats, this will have little effect on me personally. This has to rank among the more bizarre targeted tax increases that anyone has ever conceived of.

Final note. On the morning that Terri Schiavo finally fulfilled the wishes of the American cultural left wing and died, I read a story about a fetus that had been made into a work of art by “plasticizing.” It had been stolen from a museum where it was on exhibit. If dead humans may now be displayed as works of art, then I propose that Terri Schiavo’s head be mounted on a plaque, like a big game trophy, and hung on the wall of the reception room of the Democratic National Committee’s headquarters. Congratulations guys! You won!