Life Imitates Scott Ott

Scrappleface headline: Al Qaeda Leads Relief Effort to Quake Victims

Usama bin Laden, the wealthy Islamic theologian, today dispatched hundreds of trained social workers to earthquake-stricken regions in Pakistan and Kashmir, and promised to match U.S. aid contributions "dollar for dollar."

The Al Qaeda rapid reaction disaster force and financial commitment, came as critics attacked the United States for its "typically slow and inadequate response."

News Headline: Terrorists announce 'temporary suspension' of operations

"In the wake of the killer quake, the Jehad Council, an amalgam of 14 terrorist outfits based in Pakistan occupied Kashmir, has announced temporary suspension of its operations in the ravaged areas of Jammu and Kashmir.

The decision to suspend temporarily the operations in the state was taken at a meeting convened by the chairman of Council and supreme commander of Hizbul Mujahideen Syed Salahuddin at Muzaffarabad on Sunday, a local news agency quoting a fax from the organisation said in the state capital on Monday.

Salahuddin asked all the constituents of the council to direct the terrorist cadres across the state to halt their operations in the affected areas and extend possible relief to the victims."