Mike Colbrese - Pod Person?

I think that I have finally found an explanation for the otherworldly obliviousness that describes the utter disconnection from reality that so many of Washington’s ruling elite exhibit. They are pod people! Or perhaps they emerged as fully formed adults from some sort of alien incubator vessel and are short on life experience. Their creators instilled in them most of the more overt behaviors and responses needed to pass themselves off as genuine human beings. But every now and then, they encounter a circumstance for which they do not have specific programming and they reveal how little is behind their facade. How else can one explain how an adult, who has ascended to a leadership position in high school sports, comes to regard booing at an athletic event as “novel.”
"I don't know why people think it's acceptable to boo in the first place," declared Washington Interscholastic Activities Association Executive Director Mike Colbrese recently. His organization administers all interscholastic high school sports and is considering banning the “boo” at high school sporting events. "It's (booing) a pretty novel concept to me."
Booing at an athletic event is novel? He must have emerged from his pod just moments before the interview. Surely one cannot rise to the position that sounds as responsible as “WIAA Executive Director” does without ever having seen a basketball game where a little booing, or an occasional discouraging word, is heard. Booing might be rare on Krezneck 9, or whatever planet Colbrese’s species hails from, but booing is certainly common on the third planet orbiting Sol, where Washington is found.
But now that he has discovered booing, he finds it distasteful and wants to ban it. "It's a much broader topic than just booing," he said. "What we're trying to teach our fans is that you have to be civil.”
Colbrese, and the fifteen-member WIAA panel that contemplates such social engineering, have concluded that Washington is having difficulty recruiting coaches and officials because of booing fans.
Well the timing of this certainly could not be better as one Washington school has shown that it knows how to deal with troublemakers. Perhaps the WIAA could look at Heritage High School in Vancouver, Washington for guidance in dealing with rubes and ruffians. Last week, Heritage High School suspended 11 students, not for booing, but for praying. The offending students would gather every morning in the commons area for a pre-class group prayer. The local pod people immediately recognized the threat that 11 praying students presented and acted quickly to restore public order. It’s telling that Washington’s pod people have installed safeguards to protect the tender sensibilities of its student bodies and faculty from this sort of disruptive behavior, but is trying to fine tune fan behavior at basketball games. If you’re going to pick fights, your chances for success are greatly enhanced if you choose your opponent wisely. Praying Christians are not notorious for violent retaliation.
Certainly, much of what is heard at high school basketball games is quite inappropriate for your ears, even teenaged ears, or even my ears. Although I doubt that anything so innocuous as booing deserves to have Mike Colbrese’s bony finger of Puritanical indignation pointed at it. Attempts at referee and player intimidation as well as crude colloquial references to manure and body orifices certainly have no place at any sporting event, except perhaps Ultimate Fighting Championships, or some other similar celebration of barbarism, such as peace demonstrations or a meeting of the local Democratic Party. I certainly would not consider the language or behavior at such gatherings appropriate for tender ears, such as those of children or basketball referees.
But on the other hand, I have difficulty getting comfortable with Mike Colbrese’s ideal basketball game, where the crowd limits itself to polite applause and subdued encouragement of the home team. In the closing minutes of the game, the crowd would sit quietly as the opponent shoots his free throws so as not to distract or upset him. Indignant silence would be the only expression of disapproval that officials would have to endure.
No doubt about it. The pod people are in control. And the only way to fill a gymnasium with fans who behave like mannequins is to replace the rest of us with pods. And pod people probably don’t pray either.