Hillary Proposes New Government Program

Hillary recently discovered that waitresses are a low-paid profession that relies upon tips to make ends meet.

However, she also learned that the generosity of customers is not always reliable.

"We understand that this has been a recurring problem. When I become president," she declared, "the federal government will see to it that all wait persons receive a gratuity equivalent to 20% of the bill."

Asked how she would pay for such a program, she answered, "Cigarette taxes. We pay for everything else with cigarette taxes."