First, They Came For The Guns

Washington, D.C. bans all non-government sanctioned public assemblies.

“Just as the Second Amendment applies only to government agents,” said an unnamed District spokesman, “so it should be logically inferred that the ‘peaceable assembly’ clause in the First Amendment applies only to government-sanctioned gatherings. Why would the Constitution ban private handgun ownership without also clamping down on potentially-incendiary public meetings? Both are clear and present dangers to the government.”

The move comes as part of an ongoing process by Washington D.C. officials to institute “a fresh understanding of the U.S. Constitution not constrained by individualistic interpretations.”