Recognizing The Best And Brightest

They’re smarter than you are. And if you ever doubt that, just ask them and they’ll be happy to set you straight. Whether you find them in government, journalism or academia, we are fortunate to have this self-anointed cognitive elite who have assigned themselves the awesome responsibility of doing all of our thinking for us. 

To borrow a phrase from our president, we should be thanking them.

And so, as we do each year in this corner, we recognize these gifts to humanity with the Zinc Kozmo, awarded annually to the most outstanding contributions to the advancement of civilization. So just sit back and learn from those who live to tell you how to live your life.

This year, we award the Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations Kozmo to Charlette Stoker Manning, the chairwoman of Women in NAACP. After Mitt Romney delivered an inspiring speech about how his vision could create opportunities for black Americans to advance up the economic ladder, Manning ridiculed Romney by arguing that, “You cannot possibly talk about jobs for black people at the level he’s coming from. He’s talking about entrepreneurship, savings accounts — black people can barely find a way to get back and forth from work.”

And so, if you ever think that too much is being expected of you, give a call to Charlette Stoker Manning.

Attorney General Eric Holder wins the James Watt Diversity Kozmo in a landslide.  
In 1983, Interior Secretary James Watt famously boasted of his staff’s diversity by explaining that [On my staff] I have a black, two Jews and a cripple.”

This last year, it was discovered that Eric Holder’s Department of Justice has enacted policies that make exceptional efforts to recruit attorneys who are “dwarfs,” have “psychiatric disabilities” or “severe intellectual disabilities.” 

Candidates exhibiting these and other challenges could be hired without having to endure the normal, competitive hiring procedures. In fact, they could be hired into jobs that had not even been listed as open. And because there is no greater goal than diversity (diversity of thought exempted, naturally), if you are sufficiently crazy and dim-witted, Eric Holder will create a job for you, especially if you’re short. 

Somehow, this explains a great deal.

Over the last year, MSNBC devolved to the point that not even Saturday Night Live or The Onion could create more laughable caricatures of biased reporting. Prime time host Chris Matthews reached the all-time low on September 5th of last year while gushing over Bill Clinton’s speech at the Democratic National Convention. 

Matthews, who famously reported experiencing “tingles” traveling up his leg while listening to Barack Obama speeches, was aroused to new levels of sexual excitement by Clinton’s speech, exulting that, “I always figured that if Bill Clinton landed on Mars, he would know how to do it with them. He would know how to reproduce,” Matthews said. “He would know everything.”

Normally, MSNBC would be recognized in the News Media Kozmos, but MSNBC has stepped up and volunteered itself as the propaganda arm of the Obama Administration, even going so far as to attend strategy meeting at the White House. Not even the New York Times goes that far! As such, they get the government rate.

And so, for creating a new sexual orientation minority for colleges and universities to incorporate into their curricula, Chris Matthews earns the inaugural Political-Arousal Confusion Kozmo.

And speaking of higher education, the Excellence in Education Kozmo goes to Central Connecticut State University. At CCSU, you’ll find an art professor named Mike Alewitz who describes his specialty as mural art. Simple-minded skeptics might call this vandalism, but that just exposes the narrowness of their vision.

Alewitz was angry this last summer over what he claimed was a campaign of harassment by his university. He believed that the university was trying to prevent his students from finishing an enormous mural protesting student loan debt.

According to the May 15, 2012 Hartford Courant, “the mural, which will be finished over the summer, depicts students struggling under the strain of college debt as the CCSU mascot, a blue devil, looks on.”

So, what we have here are students who are burdening themselves with student loans to pay tuition for the privilege of learning to paint a mural that protests student loans.

And so, once again, I remind you to thank these people. They certainly believe that they deserve it.

Happy New Year!